5 Tips to Rebuild Confidence after Surviving Academic Failure

Working to rebuild that confidence after surviving academic challenges? It’s alright. I’ve been there too. Esteem can take a major hit if you have experienced failure, delay, and hardships of any kind; especially when performing well academically is part of what contributes to any positive feelings you have about yourself. The key is you SURVIVED your past failures and you indeed have a confidence that’s worth rebuilding. It takes work, but I promise it’s so worth it. I had a lot of recovering to do after my STEP 1 debacle. The practical action steps I’ve listed below really did help me and may provide somewhat of a blueprint for you. Keep reading to find out how my confidence and I bounced back.

After I finally passed STEP 1, I started back with my 3^rd year rotations and realized just how hard my self-esteem had been hit. Over time, I became more conscious of how I needed to:

Keep doing what worked. Along with 3^rd year rotations came a completely new schedule. It was not always easy to work a full day and come home to study, BUT I knew I better get my act together because there would be a similar experience (on steroids?) once I started residency. I tried to switch up my study habits during my first few rotations and it showed. I ended up faltering on a few shelf exams and having to retake them. My test-taking strategist had set forth a plan for me when I was studying for STEP 1. That plan worked. I needed to make room to integrate that plan (even though it required large amounts of time) into my daily routine—no excuses—so I could keep winning. And that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I reverted to what my test-taking strategist taught me, I saw improvements in my shelf exam performance. I felt more confident in my knowledge base. I answered questions without second guessing so often. Whatever you did to overcome your academic challenge, keep doing that. Rinse and repeat. Do not try to reinvent the wheel. Using a mechanism you know works allows you to keep learning in a format you can trust, builds your overall knowledge base, and helps you see that you indeed know what you’re talking about and what you’re doing.

Focus on what you can fix. I had to keep reminding myself all was not lost. My STEP 1 and shelf exam repeats happened. They were on my transcript. BUT GOD. I still had STEP 2 to think about. I still had my remaining shelf exams. I still had my clinical performance—you know…the part that actually demonstrates your potential as a Doctor. I still had the people in my corner who would vouch for me and write strong letters of recommendation. All is not lost. I know it can be hard, but try not to define yourself or your progress based on your past failures. Look ahead at all you have in front of you and consider/dream of all the possibilities. Confidence and morale booster with this one.

Call in assistance from those who believe in you and stay far far away from negative people. Y’all. Please don’t give negative nancies any power; especially not the ones who like to be negative and derogatory under the guise of “I’m just giving you real and practical advice.” Sometimes you don’t need practicality. You need Faith. You need to believe in yourself again. When I was preparing for STEP 2 and one of my shelf exam retakes, two faculty members in particular told me not to even bother taking STEP 2 that year. They said I was likely to fail based on my shelf performance. That was only after they denied me letters of recommendation for residency and said they did not want to take my clinical performance into consideration. That’s another story for another day (coming soon!) Needless to say, that meeting was the very last time ever in life I ever spoke to them. Strong language, but I need you to understand. No more hellos, no more goodbyes, no more Black people hallway head nod. Zilch.

And that disconnection from the negative boosted my morale so much. I worked tirelessly with a faculty member who believed in me. We met weekly to go over questions. In fact, this faculty member believes in his students so much that he paid for all of our NBME practice exams. Every. Single. One. Literally handed us cash. THAT is an EDUCATOR!! We did the work. He explained areas where I was confused. He also told me the exact opposite of what those other faculty members said. One day he laughed and said, “You know you can’t keep delaying your STEP 2 exam.” And you know what? He was right. You know what else? I passed both components of that exam—CS and CK—on the very first try! A few students the two faculty members (mentioned above) supported and wrote letters for…did not pass STEP 2. Those students ended up coming to me asking for my advice. What a turn of tables. Having someone else speak life into you and work with you instead of against you really is a confidence booster. Find your (faculty) people and stick with them.

Stop with the comparisons. No really. Stop. I know it’s so much easier said than done, but there is Freedom in focusing on your path and your path only. The more I thought about how my peers passed STEP 1 and so many other exams without difficulty, the more I got in my own head. I questioned my knowledge and my potential all the more. There were so many days when an Attending would ask me a question in front of my peers and I would know the answer, but second guess and blurt out a response that was incorrect. Meanwhile, barely anyone even knew about my STEP 1 difficulties. I had blown it up in such great proportion that it was all I could see some days. My past academic failures were like a dark cloud following me around each and every hospital hallway. However, the more I stopped dwelling on the past, the more I embraced my non-traditional path. I accepted my trajectory is unique and should not be compared to that of others. God has set me on a path that is Extraordinary. It’s different and there is Beauty in that. I started feeling significantly better about myself once I made a conscious effort to stop comparing. I literally had to stop those thoughts in their tracks as soon as they entered my mind and remind myself of all the perks of being non-traditional—more life skills, greater strength to endure difficult times, space for the creativity I so enjoy, room for more of life’s experience—all things I obtained by taking the scenic route. I urge you to stop looking to the left or right of you and, instead, dwell on what makes your journey Beautiful.

Be patient with and kind to yourself. I know a lot has happened. I know you almost gave up. But you are still here and that is for a reason. Give yourself time to grow. Give yourself time to evolve. You don’t have to have it all together seconds after finally passing that exam. In a matter of 10 months, I went from stammering through patient presentations, faltering on shelf exams, and clamming up at Attendings’ questions to rolling through patient presentations by memory, passing my shelf exams and STEP 2, answering Attendings’ questions with confidence, and being completely ok (i.e. “I do not recall, but I will read up on it and follow up with you tomorrow) and saying it with my chest when I did not recall the answer. Time did that. Patience with my own growth did that. God did That. You will reach your goals and meet your potential. You just have to keep going through the process and showing up every day to get there.

If you have lost confidence in any area of your life, I pray you have the strength to rebuild and start rebuilding Now. These tips really did help me and I hope they are just as useful to you. I am still personally employing these points on a regular basis because rebuilding confidence is an ongoing process and something I, too, must continue to work at. Keep going. Keep growing.

xx,